Including Children in Ceremony
Family Reading
"We are a family now, a
whole, Of which you are a part, And you are just as much my child, As
any in my heart. I do not love you differently, Nor would I give up
less, Of all that life has given me, To bring you happiness.
There is no limit to my love, No boundary you might
cross, No price you might be asked to pay, No need to fear its loss. We
are now one, the four of us, Windows of one home. As long as I have life
and breath, You'll never be alone."
“If children are coming into the marriage, there are
many different ways to involve the children in the wedding ceremony
itself.
I believe it is very important that if children are
coming into the marriage that they be recognized or participate in some
aspect of the wedding ceremony itself. Children often can not express
fears or doubts they have."
Mentioning the Children
"I think it is much more important that children
hear their names mentioned in the ceremony, than it is that they play
any major part of the ceremony."
" Mentioning their name during the wedding assures
that they are an important part of the occasion and have special status
which guests and other family members attending do not. Children need to
feel important to their parents."
"If children are coming into
the marriage, it is appropriate to mention in the ceremony that not only
is a marriage being formed, but also a family - and then name each
child. If a prayer is in the ceremony, each child's name will be stated
in the prayer."
When Children Feel Left Out
"Most couples are careful to take time to talk to
the children about the marriage before the wedding day and involve
children in some aspect of the ceremony. Where children tend to be left
out is immediately after the ceremony. The bride and groom walk away and
are crowded by "big people" - with the children left out of the
immediate post ceremony celebration."
"When children tend to feel most left out is
immediately after the ceremony."
"Children tend to see the
world as revolving around themselves - and the wedding ceremony as also
their day.
"They feel very left out if all the adults celebrate
and they are ignored at the end. They also do not know what to do after
the ceremony ends."
"The couple should
take a moment to hug their children, thank them for helping in the
ceremony, then telling them they are free to play. This recognition is
very important."
Non Ceremony Roles
"With many weddings, a good way to involve children
(except very young) is to give each their own one-time use camera and
have them take pictures they think are important.
It will be interesting to see what pictures they
take and the photos could be theirs later when developed."
Ceremony Roles
"For younger children, usually the simple task of
holding the rings or bouquet is enough to accomplish a sense of
participation. For teenagers, the role may be as simple as standing up
with the couple, playing the CD or tape of wedding music, or even just
taking pictures of the ceremony."
"If the bride's children, sometimes the children
will walk forward with the bride. When asked "who brings this woman to
this man?" they answer "We do" or "We do for the family.”
"Generally, children will not share your sense of
excitement about the wedding. Rather, to them it seems more a party
occasion. Usually, giving children major roles in the ceremony quickly
becomes chores."
"It is generally best to give a child only one
active role and also to be mentioned in the ceremony, rather than to
actively involve a child at many different points throughout the
ceremony.
"Child in wedding gift for children, child ring,
necklace, child and children. With teenagers, some care should be taken
not to give them roles they may feel silly doing."
"Care should be given in asking a teenager to give
the bride away or state agreement with the marriage - as the child may
not really feel fully comfortable with the marriage, yet does not want
to say so."
"Typically, couples give children a gift right after
they exchange their own rings and vows - usually a necklace or ring -
along with a hug and an "I love you."
Vows For Children
"Occasionally, a couple will have the children
asked, "Do you accept this family and the marriage?" Care should be
taken in this decision, as sometimes the child is not completely
comfortable with the marriage."
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